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Thursday, February 14, 2008

Good Bye Anita!

I found myself crying today,
Not something I do very often. I had a friend named Anita. We were friends for over 20 years. Our children played together growing up. We had a bond that transcended the physical, we were never intimate. But Anita and I could spend hours talking about people, our lives, space, time and the continuum. She was the antithesis of everything I thought I wanted in life. She was very dirty, refusing to clean her home. Sometimes not taking a bath for days. She was an ugly woman. But she was intelligent, often times with an insight into life which astounded me. She was very poor. Never really wanting much in the material world. Many times she would run out of money and show up at my door in her 60's and peek her little head in and say, Gary, how about a steak-I haven't eaten for a while. I'd laugh and say a steak huh-what ever happened to chicken. But I really want a steak, Gary. Ok, Anita come on in. We'll go get a steak.
We would sit and cook and talk.
Near the end Anita contracted cancer, it was a horrible spread.
Tumors and lumps started appearing everywhere. She asked me one day if I would go away with her and take her and her two horses off on a ride through the mountains. I remember saying one last hurrah huh Antia. She giggled and said Your the only one I would ever ask this of. I refused, I was afraid of what might happen to her alone in the mountains. I was afraid she might die and I would have to explain to everyone why.
The end for her was very near and I was asked by her daughter to go see her. I went and could tell she was doing her very best to be presentable for me. We talked for a while and I found myself starting to break down. I left after kissing her on the forehead and giving her a hug. I couldn't go back.
I was a coward and let my friend die without me. After 20 years I could not bring myself to watch her die.

I'm sorry Anita-I'm sorry I was so weak, I miss you horribly.
Forgive me.

1 comment:

  1. t is always so very hard to lose someone you've loved-I am sorry for your loss.


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