Wednesday, July 31, 2013
How To Find Joy In Living
My sister committed suicide.
It was a horrible phrase to hear. At 44 years of age my sister decided to take her own life. She had 2 sons, a husband, a good job, nice car, and a beautiful home. Things people around the world dream of having. The things that in other countries some people kill for.Yet this wasn’t enough for her. She had visited a clinical psychologist, and was prescribed drugs for depression.Her appearance had suffered due to a growth. Maybe her relationship with her husband was strained. Perhaps her work was putting to much strain on her. In the end, the drugs and professional “help” accomplished nothing. She was still despondent enough to take her own life. At an early age my sister had developed an addiction to cocaine. She found horrible stumbling blocks to getting help for her condition. Hospitals wanted money, treatment facilities wanted money, and AA stylehelp seemed to embarrassing. One day she called me, and asked for my help. It was a good day for me. You see I am an alcoholic. Not something one likes to admit to others. Not something that I chose. Just something that life threw at me and I was forced to deal with. I had a life of 10 years that was maddeningly unpredictable, dangerous, and hurtful to others. I woke up one morning, looked in the mirror with the most god-awful hangover and bleeding gums, and knew this would change.That it would change that day. And I did make it change. I decided at that moment that I wanted to live. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to live a life of 50+ years and be able to say to my maker at the end, I did my best. I was happy that my sister had called me because I knew in my heart that if I could give up alcohol that I could help her get off of cocaine. I succeeded. She stayed away from the drug for 20 years as far as I know. Both of us had used a drug to escape the problems of reality. Both of us were addicted. Both of us recovered. Only one of us is here today. She never called me. She never asked for my help again. She never gave me a second chance.She never let me go deeper into why life even with all of its pain can be filled with joy.
So I will try to help someone else who is despondent. I will try to reach one person who is thinking of taking their own life, and change their mind. I am writing this ebook in memory of
Kimberly Anne Graefen, so that something good might come from the tragedy of her death.
America prides itself on its availability of material goods, nice cars, and beautiful
homes, buildings that reach for the sky. We have the finest medical care, the best
laboratories, the largest farms and factories.What we don’t have is the sense to
realize that all of the material goods on earth cannot make someone happy,
if they don’t find happiness from within themselves first. People are not dogs or cows. A place in the shade and water are not enough to fill an intelligent mindwith contentment. A fast car though exhilarating to drive will not fill a human soulwith peace and contentment. Wealthy individuals who have not come too spiritual awaking kill themselves everyday. They have bought the big TV lie. The more I have the happier I will be. This is crap. It has been crap since the beginning of time.And it will always be crap. Work can be a creative endeavor, which provides mental stimulation,social contact, material conveyance, and personal satisfaction. At its worst it is enforced slavery, boring, unenlighting, socially negligent, unstimulating, time wasting, drudgery. The concept that work in and of itself is a noble thing, is misguided. Certainly we all need to eat and have things. But does that guy who washes your car every weekend really like his life? Do you care? If not maybe you should. If you did care and he found a job that was fulfilling you might have prevented his wife from becoming a widow. And you would get some exercise washing your own car. Successful living requires the personal ability to say no. No I won’t work overtime this weekend my church is having a dinner. No my wife and I have plans for the movies. No my kids football game is this Saturday and I wouldn’t miss it for anything. No I don’t need a bigger house, a better car, a new washer, the ones I have are fine. No I won’t work harder, faster, or more expediently just because your pocket book depends on my performance. I won’t because my life matters to me. I won’t because other people need or want me around and they help make my life fulfilled and full of joy. No I won’t work this weekend because I am writing a book, something I’ve wanted to do for a very long time. Something I need to do to feel whole. I am not just a work machine. The point is that people need to feel that they are vital components of a society that appreciates them for who and what they are. Not just because they work, but for what they think, feel, say and do. Go beyond work, look for the inner key to what am I, who am I, and do I like what I am.
My rules for staying happy and contented
I choose work that I want to do, if it doesn’t make me rich oh well.
I don’t buy things with the expectation that they alone will make me happier.
Actually every time I buy something I figure it will break or wear out.
So I decide do I really need this? Or I think will this devise make my life
better or worse. I look past other people’s evaluation of me as an individual.
I don’t care if they
think I’m the best, the greatest, or the best looking, or the snappiest dresser.
I like me for who and what I am. Inwardly what they think doesn’t really
matter. What matters is what I think of myself. If they choose to criticize
me I respond, who do you think you are? If I don’t like who I am-Change it!
I look for excitement in life from learning something new, all the time.
A person I know once told my sons how lucky he was because he didn’t
have to learn anymore. I thought how awfully sad. Learn something new
every day; it makes life unique and exciting. Route learning because you
”have to” is boring. Learning something “you want to know” is a joy.
Never pass up a chance to challenge yourself. Life can be boring; a real
challenge can alleviate that.
Don’t be a TV couch potato. Television is a nice occasional diversion.
A steady diet of TV and movies is a prescription for negative self-esteem.
Take a walk, Go fishing, write a novel, learn to use a computer, if you
know that already then use it! Find joy and entertainment and
self-fulfillment by doing not watching others do.
Learn the joy of the creative process. I can’t draw, I can’t write,
I can’t take pictures, these are excuses based on other peoples evaluation
of our output. In school everyday as children we have been told Johnny
gets an A you get a D-Johnnies work is better than yours. The innate
reaction is, if my work is so crappy than I won’t do it anymore.
The Joy has been lost. The fun has been extinguished by a society that
is so competitive that it can actually kill individual initiative.
A woman I know did what I felt was some great drawing and painting.
It was child like in its simplicity. It had good color balance and made
me feel happy. I requested some of her drawings to publish on the Internet
Her reply was, most people think I draw like a child and I would be to
embarrassed. Her husbands reply was, she draws like a little kid and she’s
to busy taking care of me to mess with that nonsense. I was dismayed.
A fine artist was squashed because of narrow minded and competitive
thinking. Create for its own sake. If other people don’t like what you do,
don’t show it to them. Look at it in private and take satisfaction in it for
its own worth to you. And maybe with enough practice one day they’ll
dig your work out of a buried suitcase, 100 years from now it will hang
somewhere in a museum.
Never say I can’t do that-unless you are positive. So many people give up
on things before they even try. Oh I could never do that, or my work always
looks crummy. Work or effort does not have to be perfect to have a
satisfactory result. In our off the assembly line world those things are perfect,
but the joy of craftsmanship and originality are gone. Yes there is always
someone else who could do it better than you can. But if you allow them
to do it for you, you miss the opportunity for the personal satisfaction of having
the experience. Experiences are what make our lives what they are.
Give them to someone else and what do “you” have. If the end result
is truly unsatisfactory then go buy it or pay someone. But at least give
it a shot.
Find a Spiritual Foundation: The true scientist, the atheist, the person who
looks toward nothing, faces a life of self-gratification only. When one
closes their mind towards the infinite possibilities of the universe they
stifle themselves. Even if there is no God, the belief in a power higher
than ourselves raises our expectations of what we, as people should be
about. If pure self-gratification is our only motive for living than when
ever we stumble what reason is there for going on? Religion of all forms
dictate that we be kind to others, have compassion, respect the rights of
all people, work towards the betterment of our souls and being. Religion
creates the foundation for the best qualities of man to shine. The concept
that no power greater than ourselves exists, is inherently flawed. A scientist
will find undiscovered scientific events everyday. Yet until he found them-the
concept was poppycock.
God in any form is the same way. Until you find him-its poppycock.
So look for him. Find the peace and love and contentment that comes
from the inner secret knowledge that Yes God does love me.
Be true to yourself: There is nothing more madding in living than to do things
that you don’t want to do. Do not allow yourself to be surrounded by people
you don’t like or can’t get along with. Obviously we all at one time or another
must tolerate something we hate. But a steady diet of this type of self-abuse
can be a disaster for our self-esteem. If you don’t like something or someone
and the circumstance isn’t critical----Then LEAVE !
If you are hurt, angry, or depressed: Write someone a letter. Tell them why you
are angry or hurt. Get mad, be obnoxious. Scream your anger and hurt using all
the words you know. If you don’t like them-tell them so. If they’ve done
something to hurt you tell them how you will get even.
Then—DO NOT MAIL THE LETTER. The simple act of putting your anger
and resentment down in concrete writing will make you feel better.
Talk to a friend: If you don’t have one-GET ONE! The good thing about
friends is that we can usually tell them things we would never tell anyone
else, so long as the subject isn’t about them. Whenever I have a crisis or
bad situation, monetary or personal I always go to a personal friend
I can trust and discuss it with them. I don’t always listen to their advice
or follow the course of action they would. But the simple act of talking
the problem over makes me feel better, consider alternative solutions
I might not have thought of, and calms me down. Of course if you wish to
keep your friend you will have to reciprocate-so choose them well.
In the end:
Trying to be happy and live a successful life, not just monetarily but spiritually,
emotionally, and physically is a challenge. But it is a challenge of the most
extraordinary kind.It is ordained the moment we are born; life is a gift, a gift
that shouldn’t be discarded like an old pair of shoes.It should be treasured and
respected. If it gets you down find ways to perk yourself back up.
If it kicks you in the groin-scream I’m not going to take that.
And then find help, Please.
Written By: Gary Graefen
Try My Radio Streaming System :)
I choose work that I want to do, if it doesn’t make me rich oh well.
I don’t buy things with the expectation that they alone will make me happier.
Actually every time I buy something I figure it will break or wear out.
So I decide do I really need this? Or I think will this devise make my life
better or worse. I look past other people’s evaluation of me as an individual.
I don’t care if they
think I’m the best, the greatest, or the best looking, or the snappiest dresser.
I like me for who and what I am. Inwardly what they think doesn’t really
matter. What matters is what I think of myself. If they choose to criticize
me I respond, who do you think you are? If I don’t like who I am-Change it!
I look for excitement in life from learning something new, all the time.
A person I know once told my sons how lucky he was because he didn’t
have to learn anymore. I thought how awfully sad. Learn something new
every day; it makes life unique and exciting. Route learning because you
”have to” is boring. Learning something “you want to know” is a joy.
Never pass up a chance to challenge yourself. Life can be boring; a real
challenge can alleviate that.
Don’t be a TV couch potato. Television is a nice occasional diversion.
A steady diet of TV and movies is a prescription for negative self-esteem.
Take a walk, Go fishing, write a novel, learn to use a computer, if you
know that already then use it! Find joy and entertainment and
self-fulfillment by doing not watching others do.
Learn the joy of the creative process. I can’t draw, I can’t write,
I can’t take pictures, these are excuses based on other peoples evaluation
of our output. In school everyday as children we have been told Johnny
gets an A you get a D-Johnnies work is better than yours. The innate
reaction is, if my work is so crappy than I won’t do it anymore.
The Joy has been lost. The fun has been extinguished by a society that
is so competitive that it can actually kill individual initiative.
A woman I know did what I felt was some great drawing and painting.
It was child like in its simplicity. It had good color balance and made
me feel happy. I requested some of her drawings to publish on the Internet
Her reply was, most people think I draw like a child and I would be to
embarrassed. Her husbands reply was, she draws like a little kid and she’s
to busy taking care of me to mess with that nonsense. I was dismayed.
A fine artist was squashed because of narrow minded and competitive
thinking. Create for its own sake. If other people don’t like what you do,
don’t show it to them. Look at it in private and take satisfaction in it for
its own worth to you. And maybe with enough practice one day they’ll
dig your work out of a buried suitcase, 100 years from now it will hang
somewhere in a museum.
Never say I can’t do that-unless you are positive. So many people give up
on things before they even try. Oh I could never do that, or my work always
looks crummy. Work or effort does not have to be perfect to have a
satisfactory result. In our off the assembly line world those things are perfect,
but the joy of craftsmanship and originality are gone. Yes there is always
someone else who could do it better than you can. But if you allow them
to do it for you, you miss the opportunity for the personal satisfaction of having
the experience. Experiences are what make our lives what they are.
Give them to someone else and what do “you” have. If the end result
is truly unsatisfactory then go buy it or pay someone. But at least give
it a shot.
Find a Spiritual Foundation: The true scientist, the atheist, the person who
looks toward nothing, faces a life of self-gratification only. When one
closes their mind towards the infinite possibilities of the universe they
stifle themselves. Even if there is no God, the belief in a power higher
than ourselves raises our expectations of what we, as people should be
about. If pure self-gratification is our only motive for living than when
ever we stumble what reason is there for going on? Religion of all forms
dictate that we be kind to others, have compassion, respect the rights of
all people, work towards the betterment of our souls and being. Religion
creates the foundation for the best qualities of man to shine. The concept
that no power greater than ourselves exists, is inherently flawed. A scientist
will find undiscovered scientific events everyday. Yet until he found them-the
concept was poppycock.
God in any form is the same way. Until you find him-its poppycock.
So look for him. Find the peace and love and contentment that comes
from the inner secret knowledge that Yes God does love me.
Be true to yourself: There is nothing more madding in living than to do things
that you don’t want to do. Do not allow yourself to be surrounded by people
you don’t like or can’t get along with. Obviously we all at one time or another
must tolerate something we hate. But a steady diet of this type of self-abuse
can be a disaster for our self-esteem. If you don’t like something or someone
and the circumstance isn’t critical----Then LEAVE !
If you are hurt, angry, or depressed: Write someone a letter. Tell them why you
are angry or hurt. Get mad, be obnoxious. Scream your anger and hurt using all
the words you know. If you don’t like them-tell them so. If they’ve done
something to hurt you tell them how you will get even.
Then—DO NOT MAIL THE LETTER. The simple act of putting your anger
and resentment down in concrete writing will make you feel better.
Talk to a friend: If you don’t have one-GET ONE! The good thing about
friends is that we can usually tell them things we would never tell anyone
else, so long as the subject isn’t about them. Whenever I have a crisis or
bad situation, monetary or personal I always go to a personal friend
I can trust and discuss it with them. I don’t always listen to their advice
or follow the course of action they would. But the simple act of talking
the problem over makes me feel better, consider alternative solutions
I might not have thought of, and calms me down. Of course if you wish to
keep your friend you will have to reciprocate-so choose them well.
In the end:
Trying to be happy and live a successful life, not just monetarily but spiritually,
emotionally, and physically is a challenge. But it is a challenge of the most
extraordinary kind.It is ordained the moment we are born; life is a gift, a gift
that shouldn’t be discarded like an old pair of shoes.It should be treasured and
respected. If it gets you down find ways to perk yourself back up.
If it kicks you in the groin-scream I’m not going to take that.
And then find help, Please.
Written By: Gary Graefen
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