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Friday, May 25, 2018

Grand Pa Advice: Dating On The Internet

Grand Pa Advice: 10 years ago I did a sort of social experiment. I put an ad on craigslist and it read like this. You heels, flowers, makeup, and tux, the opera, getting your door, dinner. I must have been written to by 100 women with comments like where have you been all my life?. You will probably never find your "Dream Man" on the internet. Because you are looking for something which is a preconceived idea about what you want. We men are people to. We have our flaws and our strengths. I have 3 friends who all had taken overseas brides. Every Single Relationship Failed. The expectations were higher than the reality. the women thought money, the men thought hot and sexy. The missing ingredient was a commonality. There was no point of reference between cultural ideals. Communication was often times lacking. And expectations were above human reality. If you want someone special in your life stops seeing those around you in your hometown as beneath you. Look simply for someone who shares your idea of what a good life actually is. Get Up, Dress Up, Go Out, And Smile At Someone. reach out to those who you have things in common with. Stop looking for "My Ideal Man" And open your heart to someone you can actually talk to. He is not going to just magically appear at your door. it takes work to find genuine Love.-Gary

OnLine Dating: I had suggested this before...Get UP Dress Up and Get Out:

   Before there were smartphones, singles would often go to bars or clubs and try to meet "the One," or at least the one for that night. Alcohol-induced courage and a steep bar tab later, singles were on top of their game or it was "game over" -- until the next weekend. Technology has saved singles from all that. With smartphones, we can now carry millions of potential love interests in our pockets. The next person is just a few swipes, clicks or texts away. Dating apps are only growing in popularity, with no sign of slowing. has more than 7 million paid subscribers, an increase from 3.4 million in 2014. According to Tinder, the app generates 1.6 billion swipes per day, leading to 1.5 million dates (an average of one or two per user) a week. Hook-up culture on Tinder isn't what it used to be, either. Short-term sexual relationships over one-night stands seem to be what users crave, according to a new study published by the Norwegian University of Science and Technology. With more and more users whose desires are shifting, the stigma of finding a mate online is lessening. But is all this easy dating making us happier? Probably not. Rejection is real, even online You send a message to a match that goes unanswered. You swipe right and never have it reciprocated. You go on a date, only to be "ghosted" afterward. Rejection hurts, and not just metaphorically. Being turned down stimulates the same part of the brain that processes physical pain, according to a 2011 study from the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. "Social rejection and physical pain are similar not only in that they are both distressing, they share a common representation in somatosensory brain systems as well," the study's authors wrote. Basically, our brains can't tell the difference between a broken heart and a broken bone. Instead of one rejection at a bar on a Saturday night, the popularity of online dating gives users many more opportunities to feel rejected faster. Swiping and self-esteem The popularity of online dating may also affect how we perceive ourselves, according to a 2017 study published in the peer-reviewed journal Body Image. About 1,300 (mostly) college-age students were asked about their Tinder use, body image and self-esteem. The study found that men and women who use the app appear to have lower self-esteem than those who don't. In general, Tinder users reported less satisfaction with their bodies and looks than non-users, study author Jessica StrĂ¼bel wrote. "As a result of how the app works and what it requires of its users, people who are on Tinder after a while may begin to feel depersonalized and disposable in their social interactions, develop heightened awareness (and criticism) of their looks and bodies and believe that there is always something better around the corner, or rather with the next swipe of their screen, even while questioning their own worth," StrĂ¼bel wrote. Age of tech addiction Five dating apps -- Tinder, Bumble, Match, Plenty Of Fish and Zoosk -- rank in the top 50 highest-grossing social apps in the Apple Store, with Tinder becoming the overall top-grossing app in September thanks to Tinder Gold, a paid "add-on" of premium features. But as dating apps gain popularity and profitability, is there a greater cost inconvenience over well-being? Follow CNN Health on Facebook and Twitter See the latest news and share your comments with CNN Health on Facebook and Twitter. Last year, released a volunteer-based study on recent dating trends. Although the survey wasn't scientific, the results were revealing. Almost one in six singles (15%) reported feeling addicted to the online process of looking for a date. Millennials were 125% more likely to say they feel addicted to dating. Men were 97% more likely to feel addicted to dating than women, but 54% of women felt more burned out by the process. "People who self-described as having really addictive-style behaviors toward the internet and cellphones scored much higher on depression and anxiety scales," said University of Illinois psychology professor Alejandro Lleras, who conducted a study in 2016 that linked technology addiction to anxiety and depression. Researchers surveyed 300 university students about their mental health, cell phone and internet use, and motivations for using electronic devices. "With growing support for the connection between technology use and mental health, the relationship between motivation for cellphone or internet use and well-being warrants further exploration," he said.

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Oh My Way Ward Child

Oh My Way Ward Child:
I brought you into this world out of Love. You were kept because I considered you a gift.... a hope that both our lives would be rich and full of of love because of you. As you grow older I see those trials and tribulations you must go through. i have had them myself. Perhaps you are drinking to much or fall into the drug trap of if I do this I will feel better about myself. The pain will subside and I will be better. then I see what happened to me...... you get hurt, you become lost, feeling worthless and out of step. Perhaps your family falls apart, or you lose your job. I cry inside because i know these feelings. But in my life I over came these life problems. With age i grew to realize that MY LIFE is what I choose to make of it. That those issues which caused me so much grief and harm can fade into the past and leave a better soul. But my child this takes effort. You must believe that the life I helped give you is worth the effort. That you are strong enough to find in yourself the will to go on and create a happy life for yourself. No ones life is ever perfect. We are all born flawed. But it is and always has been my desire to see you happy. To over come your life issues, grow with dignity, Love and have compassion, perceive that life is a "gift". One day I will no longer be here to advise or hold you, There suddenly will be no one to call when in pain or crying. I will become a memory, one I hope you will cherish. And then live your life to it's end, and teach what I have tried to teach you. That You Are Loved, and always will be.Love Dad

Sorrow Is No Stranger:
I have lost family to suicide, best friends to bad personal behaviors, watched accidents in the street when life was just blinked out in a moment. I decided many years ago that i would become an active participant in Joy. i have written about it, created meme about it. tried to live it in my daily life. i refuse to let life get me down, no matter what. i have watched my children grow to be healthy and happy. i have loved and won. When I am blue I look to the past for the Good, the Kindness, the Generous and those who Love. I have spent sometimes 10 hours just here daily trying to show others, that YES you can be happy, Yes you can have what you want or need. Because it is an inside job. Millions of people everyday find Joy because it exists. No one can take that from you..... except yourself.
Look to the world for it's beauty, learn to smile just because it's a new day. Love just because you can. Forgive those who hurt you and Love those who sing with you. Find inner peace with those who share your values. Be something better just because you can do it. Simply Love, and it will come back to you.  -Gary

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

I Am So Sorry, I Can't Fix It.....

I Am So Sorry:
I can't fix it.
Your addicted, I feel sorrow and pain.
Your treated poorly by those you Love, I hurt for you.
You hurt yourself in ways no one can stop, I bleed inside.
You are dying because of life choices, I cry for you.
You are full of hate because of the way you were treated, I hurt.
You have no where to go, and no one seems to Care, I wish I could hold you.................
All I Can Do is Offer A Distant Love, Offer Hope And A Prayer.
And Pray That God Will Hear your Cries...... Gary

Monday, May 7, 2018

Happy Dance By Gary Graefen

i was in the forest mountains in Bessey my old RV. it was really cold outside and I woke up at 3 am shivering. I couldn't sleep so I thought make it Happy Gary :) so I did. And it was fun.

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Happy Dance By Gary Graefen

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Problems, Alcohol

Problems: I was an alcoholic in my 30's. A friend is going through some real heart issues with someone who has the same problem. I bleed inside for both of them because I really understand what it is about. But I was looking out the window at the trees and landscape and thought, Oh what i would give to be able to go back in time to those years in my life. How everything seemed like it would never end. And how easy and simple life was sometimes. I remember just waking up and doing it. We all become crushed in our hearts and minds sometimes by life. Looking for a quick fix to that momentary feeling of worthlessness or loneliness. But destroying what we are given when young is sad and foolish. because these moments pass. And then one day you will look in the mirror and realize some of the choices you made were poor. That who you are and what you are given in youth is everything. Don't waste it -Gary

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